Some Days It Feels Like

Some Days It Feels Like
written Fall 2012

I killed my twin sister,
but I still feel her every day
through my fingerprints
and the caverns of
the life lines in my palms.

Every now and then, I see her
in that moment between
eyes closed and open
in front of my reflection on
dark car windows or scratched mirrors.
Then softly, I hear her voice
shaking between the scars she left –
two small and two big,
across my chest.

How I will never forget my mother’s tears,
my brother’s fists,
and my father’s closed ears.
As if I killed their only daughter, our only sister –
I shake through the consequences,
the infinite “what if?”s
until I feel her smile
spread across my lips
and know.

While the possibilities of what could have been
never cease to break me open again,
at my very worst, at the very least
I am an honest son,
a loving brother,
a better


17 responses to “Some Days It Feels Like

  1. Hey Skylar! I want to read this poem at my next poetry on the steps? Could you let me know if you would be ok with that? No rush! It isn’t for a few months.

    • Hey Caleb! I am okay with that so long as credit is given. I’ve seen these words stolen too much to not be hesitant in my heart, so this is me trusting you have good intentions friend!

      • Definitely will give you lots of credit Skylar. I’ll even make sure to mention your name twice :). Thanks so much!

  2. I start my physical transition in just a few days, and I just came across this and it made me cry. This is one of my biggest fears, feeling like I’ve lost someone, but your videos have really helped me be OKAY with everything. Your writing is beautiful. I’m so happy I came across your videos so many months ago, and I’m glad I’m here on your website now.

  3. This poem made me begin to cry when I got to the part about car windows and scratched mirrors.. Absolutely beautiful.

  4. Since the video of that poem i wanted so much the lyrics. So i was so happy to see this post. That song is so beautiful, and helped a lot…

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